Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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