You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
