Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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