He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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