I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
