She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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