Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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