About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
