I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
