oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
how drunk are you?
Several
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
