Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Randomize
