Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
