so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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