I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
