You know, be my cock's hype man.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Dicks are not precious.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
