Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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