I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
