I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
