How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Randomize
