Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
