I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
