After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
