I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
