i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
