Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Randomize
