No awkward lesbian experiences without me
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
