you would pick up someone in the library
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
smell my finger.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
