Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
