p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Randomize
