Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
