I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
