its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
