i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
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