Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize