This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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