that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
