i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Randomize
