I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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