she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
