She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Randomize
