Well douche your snatch and let's go!
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
