Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
