dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
