Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
