So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize
