I think I died a long time ago.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
