Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
that may or may not have been my penis.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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