New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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