I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
