sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
