i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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