there's paper in my vomit.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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