Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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