i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
NoShamevember. You game?
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
