hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
