I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
