I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
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