thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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