I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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