She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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