So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Never joke about your clitoris.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
