if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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