Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
