Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
