so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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