Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
