The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
