Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
