Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Less talking, more tequila
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize