I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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