It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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