apparently the secret to your success is patron
She just used a chaser for red wine.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
