no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
