went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
