Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
