If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
