come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
