we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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