i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
