Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Randomize
