the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize