remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
