can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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