the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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